I can’t remember when I became the person people sought after for their problems, but I can certainly tell you my first experience was when I was 12—one of my best friends came to me seeking for some consolations about a boy who she had a crush on but didn’t reciprocate in the manner she wanted to. Gosh, that was one entire earful year! To elaborate more dramatically, I had to be the messenger between them. It would have been easier if we weren’t in missionary schools. Because everyday after school for half freaking year, I had to walk half a mile to pass those handwritten messages and then back again to my BF before heading home to relate the whole experience when he received her message and then analyzed every word and punctuation contained in his message to her. No surprise here, this reading-too-much-into behavior is still practiced religiously among young and mature ladies, of course they do it on emails and text messages.

I’ll digress. Let’s do some math here and see if I can truly become a millionaire base on this one-dollar-per-minute listening/problem-solving situation?

There are 12,410 days in my thirty-four years since my first recalled experience as an active listener and passive “advisor.” Supposedly I spent 90 minutes per day doing this untitled work and that would amount to $1,116,900 as of today.

For the sake of simplicity, I’ll round up to one million dollars because not everyday I’ve friends and family flock to me with their problems (thank God!) but I can certainly assure you that when they did, it was no 90-minute per day/session. Some of them, especially relationship matters, could really go on forever from lunch to dinner, which easily amount to six hours to say the very least.

Also, this is not counting my four years volunteering work as a part-time hotline BGR “advisor” to older teens and a year as a president in a parish youth group.

Fair enough, I can’t include those youths knew nothing about seeking outside help to their problems, but don’t my friends and family know any better that there are proper and professional channels for their endless problems? The last thing I want now is to have an earful life otherwise I wouldn’t have left my voluntary work to continue my life-long pursue in helping animal shelters. The thing about dogs is that they don’t talk or talk back or blame you for dozing off after three hours of intense listening.

Sometimes I do wonder if I had majored in the wrong college—psychology or sociology instead of finance. If I’d taken that route, would I still be working in either of the field? Maybe not, just look at me now, I rarely have friends and family members come to me for financial advice. Maybe money is a sensitive subject to discuss without looking into their financial statements. Numbers don’t lie and you’ll get to see both sides of the situation. In my next life, I’ll be a psychiatrist or psychologist or whatever occupation I get paid to listen and not blamed or patronized for unpredictable outcome.

In all honesty, this situation of mine is a bitter and sweet experience. In one aspect, I do feel flattered that they came to me for advices but on the other hand, I’ve my own fair shares of challenges and a life I want to pursue and enjoy.

When I do face with life challenges, who or where do I turn to for advice and listening ears? No one, to be precise, since the last nine years! I sought for professional help piror but in the end I was left more confused than I began. Since then, I seek within because many answers are already there for us. The question is whether one bothers to find them and is able to be truly honest with oneself. Or if one wants to invest in some self-help books and seminars.

It is so sad that many have become so narcissistic and want instant gratification that they no longer take the time to seek within. Who or what is to blame for this behavior?

To go back to my question, would they have paid me for my so-called service? The answer is no! If it’s a yes, they always received more than what they’d paid for.

In the next rant, maybe I’ll tell you why and what went so wrong for lending my ears to friends and family members’s predicaments.

• No related posts for now.

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

AT THE PARTY

HER BIRTHDAY

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

YOUR PHYSIQUE

THE BIG QUESTION

COMMUNICATION

IT’S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH…….

There you have it, BOYS!

• How to Drive Husbands Off the Wall…Effectively

And if you don’t have GREAT sense of humor than you won’t enjoy what I’m about to say, because it will probably put you in an edgy position. However if you let it sink a little deeper, you’ll see the whole picture so much clearer.

Chat – It’s pretty well known fact that women tend to be chattier than men. Generally speaking, most husbands can put up with it for a while however your marriage can take its toll if your chattiness goes overboard. And to spice things up, gossip nonstop on phone and in public.

Be seen chatting to others while he…

• Gets home from work.
• Gets ready to go to bed.
• Watching his football game. Sit close to him and talk louder than the sport commenter.
• Reads his morning papers.
• Is with you in a corporate function.
• Is queuing up at the register counter in a grocery / hardware / electronic stores.

Intimacy – For decades, women have been giving this excuse, “Honey, I’ve a headache tonight” to avoid intimacy with their hubby. While this might put him off for a week or two but it isn’t enough to get him off your chest – so to speak. You have to be creative than this.

Before bedtime:

• Wear facial mask; more effectively if the mask is made of seaweed. Not only the smell is repelling, the color can even turn a white ghost green.
• Wear hair rollers on. Not just on the bang/fringe, but full head of rollers.

When pursued:

• “You just not that sexually appealing to me anymore.” Then sing this song!
• “It’s not appropriate because I’m seeing Brad Pitt (dream).” Then sing this song!
• “I don’t want to mess up the bed sheet.” Then sing this song!

Nag – From young we “hated” our mother for their constant nagging. As adult we still do. This is the best time to do your mother proud.

At home:

• “How many times must I tell you to lift up the toilet seat after before use?”
• “Can you please not fart in my present?”
• “Did you wash your feet?” right the minute he gets to bed.

In public:

Men hate to be told and nagged by WOMEN about their driving skill.

• “You are driving too fast, and it’s making me sick.” say it even he’s driving within the speed limit. Better yet when he is driving 20mph (30 kph) in a school district area.
• “Why can’t you park properly?” check to see the distance between the car and the marked white line on the parking lot are equally spaced. Then shoot him a killer look.
• “Why don’t I drive before we get completely lost?” As he started the car about to drive the kids to school.

Dinner – They always say that the best way to a man’s heart is food. And if you’re already a lousy cook, then you’ve accomplished 50% of your mission. And if you’re a great cook, needless to say, you’ve to turn yourself into a lousy one.

• Make all dishes tasteless by taking away salt, sugar and various sauce and herb you normally use.
• Prepare dinner at noon, preserve it in the fridge and serve it cold.
• Though he can preheat them in the microwave oven, but the dishes won’t taste any better without flavors.

Get acquainted – Husbands never like nosey / suspicious wives. Heck, wives never like to be questioned every piece of garment they bought be it the price or the practicality. Women react on emotions, Men act on logic. It’s time to turn the table around and be “logical” to check all his…

• Emails. Question non stop even if the email came from his mom.
• Mobile phone call activities and keep a record of all the activities
• SMS messages
• Pocket book
• Wallet
• Briefcase

Surprise appearances – Nobody like surprises, especially if they are unflattering.

• Appear in his office unannounced with shabby soiled clothes and no make-ups.
• Make yourself very available yet inhospitable when he is having a poker night with the boys. Serve Ginseng tea and marshmallow instead of beers and crackers. Constantly spray air freshener whenever one of his buddies lights up a cigarette or cigar.

Managing Funds – Most husbands entrust their wives with household expenses. Some lucky wives will probably have one to three credit cards for a little indulgence called side dishes spending.

• Don’t bother to balance cheque books.
• Write overdraft cheques, then deny for doing so.
• Max out his credit cards and his supplementary cards.

Shopping:

• Buy him thongs instead of boxer shorts. Do otherwise if he favors thongs.
• Buy his office wear shirts one to two sizes smaller. If his wears only a certain brand than get the brand that’s one grade higher. So when he made you return to the store for an exchange, is your second chance to max out his other credit cards. And if he decided to do the exchanging, you just give him an additional work to do.

Now the key here is to DO all of them day and night for a couple months. You should be able to see some results. Remember, NEVER put up a fight with him when he is about to blow.

If you still failed to drive him off the wall, after attempting all the above pointers, don’t fret because you’re most likely to be awarded “The best psychotic woman ever lived in history”.

By the way, if this list isn’t enough to drive you crazy, then head on down to Problogger and check the list writing competition.

• Is Computer a She or a He?
• How Women Score Men
• Duma Key
• You Wanna a Sexy Song?
• Dewey: The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched the World
• Best Friends Forever

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I’d spent so many years just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong,
And I knew that I could take you on…

But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you’ve brought me a French Fry!
I should have known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those jeans!

Go on now – go, walk out the door,
Don’t you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren’t you a brat to think I wouldn’t find you out!?
Don’t you know we’re only joking when we say size don’t count??!!

[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life’s gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
with a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! …Hey! Hey!

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,
Now I’m saving all my lovin’ for a cordless multispeed!

[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life’s gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! …Hey! Hey!

Original Lyric: I Will Survive
Sang by Gloria Gaynor
Written by Freddie Perren and Dino Fekaris

• How to Drive Husbands Off the Wall…Effectively
• Is Computer a She or a He?